SNP accused of monkey business

Scottish Labour were today demanding a full inquiry after it was dramatically revealed that a senior Scottish National Party MSP had laid on spectacularly lavish hospitality for an unspecified number of baboons whilst on an overseas jaunt.

The clandestine lunchtime banquet, which reportedly included large quantities of bananas, was revealed in an indiscreet tweet by SNP MSP for Glasgow, Cathcart, James Dornan.

His message also includes a cryptic reference to having a "good day" while entertaining a party of as yet unidentified primates at a secret location in the separate African nation of Uganda.

Commenting on the sensational revelations, Labour parliamentary business manager Paul Martin said the SNP had a lot of questions to answer about Mr Dornan's conduct and insisted that the First Minister comes clean.

He said, "The public have a right to know who these baboons were and what was discussed at this meeting. And what precisely is meant by the expression 'good day'? This is not something Scottish Labour is familiar with."

Tory leader, Ruth Davidson agreed with everything Paul Martin said before asking what that actually was. She then agreed some more saying, "The public have a right to know who these baboons were and what was discussed at this meeting. And what precisely is meant by the expression 'good day'? This is not something Scottish Conservatives are familiar with."

A spokesman for the baboons said, "These bastards have the hard neck to talk about us throwing shite!"