Wednesday 5 September 2012

The Loonylympics!

The Loonylympics
Having recently voted for Poor Old Cockers in a "Madman of the Year" poll only to see him outstripped by Michael Kelly (with Ian Smart an inexplicably distant third) I was hoping his latest piece for the The Telegraph (Alex Salmond is surrendering to David Cameron) would prove to be an effort to regain what some still see as his rightful place in the pantheon of brainsick Britnats. But Poor Old Cockers has let himself down badly here.

Which is not to say that this latest emanation from his muddled mind is lacking in inanity and confusion. It's just that he's up against such strong competition from challengers who can come up with such stunningly original idiocies as the idea that Alex Salmond will not make any announcements about the referendum during the SNP conference because he has been frightened off by something called "Trafalgar Day".

At the top of his game, POC might be able to beat this. But he's clearly having an off day. For a start, the article is far too short.  Barely more than 300 words. POC's best event is the middle-distance rant. 300 words barely gives him a chance to work up the kind of spittle and drool that are essential if one is to mix it with the likes of Kelly and Smart.

To be fair, there are traces of the world-beating nuttiness that helped carve Cochrane  a niche among fabled fanatics. In his claim that "Salmond has been demanding a second question" we see the practised dishonesty of the true professional. While his insistence that a "second question" has always been the real issue suggests that he still has what it takes in terms of  distorted perceptions.

And the contradictions and inconsistencies needed to be in the running for "Madman of the Year" are certainly evident in the juxtaposition of his insistence that Salmond has "surrendered" with his listing of the major concession forced from Cameron.

But the overall impression is of a weak and somewhat strained performance which references his past masterpieces of mindlessness without essaying new heights of eejitry.

Poor Old Cockers' confidence has clearly been dealt a blow by his failure to romp home in the poll. And he appears to be somewhat panicked by the relative newcomer to the Slavering Stakes, Ian Smart, nipping at his heels.

In the firmament of British nationalist fundamentalism, a star is fading.
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